Queue that one song from 1408 starring John Cusack (the lesser of the Cusack Siblings.) For reference click here.
I feel like it’s my worst quality — I’m just so lax. Maybe it’s my European sensibilities (which have been further influenced by my semester abroad) but I just can’t seem to light a metaphorical fire under my ass.
Hello, I know you’ve missed me. I have been super lazy lately which has stopped me from updating regularly. Personal shit aside, I am not going to promise anything on future updates because school and work have got me fucked up (please listen to G-Eazy’s “You Got Me” for reference on my current mood.) Since it has been a while since I have written anything, I felt like I needed to make everyone aware that I know how absent I have been before I moved on to a different topic.
Sorry I’ve been MIA, I have an actual life to live.
On this episode of: Me.
So, if you haven’t tweeted, snapped, dm’d, texted, called, posted a pic on Instagram, sacrificed yourself, or just simply told me Happy Birthday yet — I forgive you. But there are a few things I want to say because, this year I have decided to give a gift to everyone important to me instead of asking for something from you.
It’s Brittany, (almost) back from the dead. As you can tell from the severe lack of alien emoji sign-offs, I have not posted on Clusterfuck Club in a WHILE. The reason for that is that I am, in fact, a clusterfuck.
It is probably clear to all of you by now, and definitely clear to all of those who know me, that I am a hell of a lot more #emo than Aphrodite or even than most people I encounter. To be honest, I’ve been in an intense creative and emotional rut that has really hit me like a shit-ton of bricks.
BUT! I’m starting to get out of it. I kind of feel like I’m scaling the side of a mountain with my bare hands and the physical fitness of, well, myself—but I’m getting there.
I’ve been completely held down by anxiety and perfectionism, both of which make me question my value and especially the value of my creative contributions. As one of my previous posts suggests, I think my sensitivity can help me make great things. But on the flip side, it can also be the kryptonite to my productivity—it all depends on how I use it and how I look at it. And lately, I haven’t been using it at all or viewing it in a positive light.
I could have made this a product review or some kind of quippy post, but it would’ve felt really fake considering how I feel. Those posts are coming though, and I have to stop thinking about it and stop talking about it and just DO IT. But before then, I felt like adding a little explanation as a buffer.
I know that my posts are kind of like diary entries, which isn’t the most marketable or on-brand thing for me to be posting. But it’s just how I am! I like to think that my emotional and self-indulgent posts balance out the humor of Aphrodite’s (but I could be wrong).
At least that’s why our friendship works so well. I tell her I’m an emotional wreck and she tells me to suck it up (lovingly), then she tells me she doesn’t give a fuck and I tell her she’s wrong and should let out her feelings. We have a pretty great thing going if I do say so myself, and this blog is the manifestation of that. Hm, maybe we should write a post about female friendships. Keep an eye out.
Photo credit: Mateo